Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit..

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it..

Beauty is . . . a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense..

Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband..

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them..

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy..

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation..

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience..

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake..

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil..

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business..

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while..

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain..

Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something..

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people..

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you..

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things sha….

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt..

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good..

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about..