I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing ….

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian..

A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?.

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education..

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, do….

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours..

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss..

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman..

We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for e….

Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'.

Worrying about the future is a thing of the past. I don't think about it..

In conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is..

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying..

Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with….

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it..

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter..

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limou….

Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?.

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down..

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check..

I don't need adult supervision..