Occupation: Comedian Birth: July 6, 1927 Death: April 24, 1997
I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limou….
If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun..
Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss..
No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job..
It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, do….
On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took..
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian..
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-and possibly teh bogey man..
We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for e….
Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business..
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours..
Worrying about the future is a thing of the past. I don't think about it..
We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass..
Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing a….
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that..
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me..