[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?.

What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer..

So who's on drugs here?... He looks as if he's on drugs..

You managed not to get eaten then?.

You're not wearing mink knickers,are you?.

Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!.

I've never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing..

You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you..

And what exotic part of the world do you come from?.

Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education..

I don't know how they're going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield..

British women can't cook..

My favourite subject at school was avoiding unnecessary work..

The French don't know how to cook breakfast..

Do you still throw spears at each other?.

Oh! You're the people ruining the rivers..

Do people trip over you?.

I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff..

It's difficult to see how it's possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs..

As so often happens, I discover that it would have been better to keep my mouth shut..

Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?.