Explore Quotes by W. C. Fields

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Ain't fit for man nor beast

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Never give a sucker an even break.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.