Woody Allen

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.

He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I don’t do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then?

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.