Woody Allen

My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.

Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.

The man who said 'I'd rather be lucky than good' saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.

The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.

While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.