If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means t… - Jerry Seinfeld
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means t…
- Jerry Seinfeld
Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success. - Jerry Seinfeld
Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for. - Jerry Seinfeld
Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? - Jerry Seinfeld
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. - Jerry Seinfeld
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, prete… - Jerry Seinfeld
If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, prete…
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, o… - Jerry Seinfeld
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, o…
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. - Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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