...not all encounters with the world affect the mind equally. Studies have demonstrated that if the brain appraises an event as "meaningful," it will be more likely to be recalled in the future.
Daniel J. SiegelRead
At the most basic level, therefore, secure attachments in both childhood and adulthood are established by two individual's sharing a nonverbal focus on the energy flow (emotional states) and a verbal focus on the information-processing aspects (representational processes of memory and narrative) of mental life. The matter of the mind matters for secure attachments.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Secure attachments require emotional and verbal connections between individuals.
This quote emphasizes the importance of both emotional and verbal communication in forming secure attachments in relationships, whether in childhood or adulthood. By highlighting the role of shared emotional states and narrative exchanges, it suggests that meaningful connections are built through attentive interaction and mutual understanding of each other’s experiences and feelings.
Themes
AttachmentsRelationshipsCommunicationEmotionNarrative
In practice
Example use cases
During a therapy session, a counselor might use this quote to illustrate the value of emotional connection in healing relationships.
More from Daniel J. Siegel
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Too often we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioural consequences.
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We must keep in mind that only a part of memory can be translated into the language-based packets of information people use to tell their life stories to others. Learning to be open to many layers of communication is a fundamental part of getting to know another person's life.
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For "full" emotional communication, one person needs to allow his state of mind to be influenced by that of the other.
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