Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease. - Bob Hope
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.
- Bob Hope
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots. - Bob Hope
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them. - Bob Hope
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
I have too much money invested in sweaters. - Bob Hope
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up. - Bob Hope
You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens. - Bob Hope
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf. - Bob Hope
We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip. - Bob Hope
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing. - Bob Hope
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
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