Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. "Cheeseburgers?" "Nope! We got spaghetti, and blankets."
Every picture of you is when you were younger. - Mitch Hedberg
Every picture of you is when you were younger.
- Mitch Hedberg
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. - Mitch Hedberg
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's h… - Mitch Hedberg
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's h…
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. - Mitch Hedberg
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. - Mitch Hedberg
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too. - Mitch Hedberg
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. - Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily … - Mitch Hedberg
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily …
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus? - Mitch Hedberg
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
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