Quotes on Humor

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

Fly-fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string, with a worm at one end and a fool at the other.

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Thirty millions, mostly fools.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't try to sanction other people's joy in monsters. I mean, I think the fact is, humor, fantasy - you know, like fear, desire or laughter - create genres of their own: comedy, melodrama, or erotic films or horror films... The boundaries cannot be defined. It's to each his own.

Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about.

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching.

The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape