I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'