Will Rogers

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.