When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
Life's a short trip. You'll find out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Life's a short trip. You'll find out.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one. - Rodney Dangerfield
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower. - Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth. - Rodney Dangerfield
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. - Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.
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