I can never drive my car over a bridge without thinking of suicide. I can never look at a lake or an ocean without thinking of suicide.
I like to change liquor stores frequently because the clerks got to know your habits if you went in night and day and bought huge quantities. I could feel them wondering why I wasn't dead yet and it made me uncomfortable. They probably weren't thinking any such thing, but then a man gets paranoid when he has 300 hangovers a year.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote reflects the discomfort of being judged for unhealthy habits and the paranoia that comes with addiction.
In this quote, Charles Bukowski provides a candid look at the mindset of an individual struggling with alcohol addiction. He expresses a sense of unease and paranoia about how others perceive his drinking habits, fearing judgment from liquor store clerks who might notice his frequent visits and excessive purchases. This highlights the internal conflict and self-awareness that often accompany addiction, as well as the broader theme of societal observation and stigma surrounding substance use.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
In a speech about mental health, this quote can illustrate the societal pressures faced by individuals with addictions.
More from Charles Bukowski
All quotes →when I am feeling low all i have to do is watch my cats and my courage returns
The masses are always wrong...Wisdom is doing everything the crowd does not do. All you do is reverse the totality of their learning and you have the heaven they're looking for.
I'm going to open another vottle. not a vottle, but a bottle. you open it and I'll drink it. and you try to write as much as I did without falling off of your chair.
To experience real agony is something hard to write about, impossible to understand while it grips you; you're frightened out of your wits, can’t sit still, move, or even go decently insane.
I lapsed into my pathetic cut-off period. Often with humans, both good and bad, my senses simply shut off, they get tired, I give up. I am polite. I nod. I pretend to understand because I don’t want anybody to be hurt. That is the one weakness that has lead me into the most trouble. Trying to be kind to others I often get my soul shredded into a kind of spiritual pasta. No matter. My brain shuts off. I listen. I respond. And they are too dumb to know that I am not there.
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