Of the widow's countless death-duties there is really just one that matters: on the first anniversary of her husband's death the widow should think I kept myself alive.
Joyce Carol OatesRead
A lot of widows feel that they have betrayed their spouse by continuing to live. It's deranged thinking. I know that, but that doesn't stop you feeling it.
Interpretation
Widows often struggle with guilt about living after the loss of their spouse, despite it being an irrational feeling.
In this quote, Joyce Carol Oates highlights the complex emotions that widows experience after the death of their spouses. She points out that many of them wrestle with feelings of betrayal for continuing their lives, even though they recognize that this thought process is irrational. This dichotomy of understanding their feelings while still being consumed by guilt underscores the deep emotional turmoil that comes with grief and loss.
In practice
In a support group for widows, this quote can help spark a discussion on feelings of guilt.
Of the widow's countless death-duties there is really just one that matters: on the first anniversary of her husband's death the widow should think I kept myself alive.
I never really knew I wanted to 'be' a writer, but I was always writing from a very young age. It became more conscious as an ideal when I was in my twenties.
I'm drawn to write about upstate New York in the way in which a dreamer might have recurring dreams. My childhood and girlhood were spent in upstate New York, in the country north of Buffalo and West of Rochester. So this part of New York state is very familiar to me and, with its economic difficulties, has become emblematic of much of American life.
My writing is often a way of 'bearing witness' for others who lack the education and the opportunity to tell their own stories, so I hope that my writing won't be affected too much by my personal life.
The worst cynicism: a belief in luck.
. . . there is a wish in the heart of mankind to be distracted and confused. Truth is but one attraction, and not always the most powerful.
A good apology is like antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Time can divorce us from the reality of people, it can separate us from people and turn them into ghosts. Or rather it is we who turn them into ghosts or demons. Some kinds of fruitless preoccupations with the past can create such simulacra, and they can exercise power, like those heroes at Troy fighting for a phantom Helen.
The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. And then after that, I'd say once you have that, it may be hard work, but you can actually design your life.
Empathy isnβt just something that happens to us β a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain β itβs also a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves.
We long to connect, all of us. We long to be noticed, to be cared for, to matter. Generosity is the invisible salve on our wound of loneliness, one that benefits both sides, over and over again.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
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