It is a mark of the depth of their wounding that they are pretending they suspected it all along. Everything that they have seen and been told about love so far has been an inside perspective, and they are not prepared for the crashing weight of this exclusion. It dawns on them now how much they never saw and how little they were wanted, and with this dawning comes a painful re-imagining of the self as peripheral, uninvited, and utterly minor.
Interpretation
The quote reflects on the deep emotional wounds one experiences in love and the realization of exclusion.
Eleanor Catton's quote captures the profound emotional pain that arises when individuals come to terms with their feelings of being unwanted and excluded in relationships. It highlights how individuals may pretend to understand love but often remain unaware of the deeper sorrows and the complexities of their true emotions, leading them to re-evaluate their sense of self in relation to others. This painful awakening can lead to a feeling of being on the outskirts of love, which forces an introspection about one's worthiness and belonging.
In practice
In a discussion about heartbreak during a counseling session.
My sense of injustice about our family's 'weirdness' in not owning a car was amplified by the fact that we did not own a television, either - my parents were unapologetic about this and told me very cheerfully that I would thank them for it when I was older, which was quite true.
Often I listen to songs on repeat for days and days at a time. There's something hypnotic or meditative, and it mirrors the way that I am putting the sentence together, going back over the same phrases again and again.
For although a man is judged by his actions, by what he has said and done, a man judges himself by what he is willing to do, by what he might have said, or might have doneβa judgment that is necessarily hampered, not only by the scope and limits of his imagination, but by the ever-changing measure of his doubt and self-esteem.
Writing is exhilarating, but reading reviews is not. I've been really devastated by 'good' reviews because they misunderstand the project of the book. It can be strangely galvanising to get a 'bad' one.
The ability of humans to read meaning into patterns is the most defining characteristic we have.
I see disappointment as something small and aggregate rather than something unified or great. With a little effort, every failure can be turned into something good.
A woman gets angry when a man denies his faults, because she knew them all along. His lying mocks her affection; it is the deceit that angers her more than the faults.
If we are to prosper together in our increasingly small world, we must listen to -- and learn from each other's stories
I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they'll 'say something about it' or not. I hate if they do, and if they don't.
I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them--it was that promise.
Difficulty empathising translates into a whole set of hurdles. You might be last person to get the point of a joke, which can leave you feeling like an outsider. You might end up saying something that another person finds hurtful or offensive, when that was the last thing you intended.
Passive aggressors who are adept at this will have trained themselves to remain calm, while you get irritated and emotional.
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