It is a mark of the depth of their wounding that they are pretending they suspected it all along. Everything that they have seen and been told about love so far has been an inside perspective, and they are not prepared for the crashing weight of this exclusion. It dawns on them now how much they never saw and how little they were wanted, and with this dawning comes a painful re-imagining of the self as peripheral, uninvited, and utterly minor.
Interpretation
The quote reflects on the deep emotional wounds one experiences in love and the realization of exclusion.
Eleanor Catton's quote captures the profound emotional pain that arises when individuals come to terms with their feelings of being unwanted and excluded in relationships. It highlights how individuals may pretend to understand love but often remain unaware of the deeper sorrows and the complexities of their true emotions, leading them to re-evaluate their sense of self in relation to others. This painful awakening can lead to a feeling of being on the outskirts of love, which forces an introspection about one's worthiness and belonging.
In practice
In a discussion about heartbreak during a counseling session.
My sense of injustice about our family's 'weirdness' in not owning a car was amplified by the fact that we did not own a television, either - my parents were unapologetic about this and told me very cheerfully that I would thank them for it when I was older, which was quite true.
Often I listen to songs on repeat for days and days at a time. There's something hypnotic or meditative, and it mirrors the way that I am putting the sentence together, going back over the same phrases again and again.
For although a man is judged by his actions, by what he has said and done, a man judges himself by what he is willing to do, by what he might have said, or might have done—a judgment that is necessarily hampered, not only by the scope and limits of his imagination, but by the ever-changing measure of his doubt and self-esteem.
Writing is exhilarating, but reading reviews is not. I've been really devastated by 'good' reviews because they misunderstand the project of the book. It can be strangely galvanising to get a 'bad' one.
The ability of humans to read meaning into patterns is the most defining characteristic we have.
I see disappointment as something small and aggregate rather than something unified or great. With a little effort, every failure can be turned into something good.
Whether we appreciate it or not, we live out our lives surrounded by an intricate pattern of social connections... We're all embedded in this network; it affects us profoundly and we may be unaware of its existence, of its effect on us.
Frenemies are worse than enemies, and it's not just in the workplace.
Nobody likes being alone that much. I don't go out of my way to make friends, that's all. It just leads to disappointment.
but something always went wrong, and the relationship would end precisely at the moment when she was sure that this was the person with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. After a long time, she came to the conclusion that men brought only pain, frustration, suffering and a sense of time dragging.
Yes, you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that. After abusing you so abominably to your face, I could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations.
I just make it my business to get along with people so I can have fun. It's that simple.
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