Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
Interpretation
George Carlin humorously suggests that first-time events are often poorly organized or unreliable.
This quote by George Carlin highlights a humorous skepticism about the quality of inaugural events. By stating he never attends the first annual anything, Carlin underscores the notion that the first iteration of an event often lacks the preparation and experience that subsequent iterations benefit from, implying a preference for proven reliability over novelty.
In practice
During a speech about event planning, one might quote Carlin to emphasize the importance of experience.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
Many people would no more think of entering journalism than the sewage business - which at least does us all some good.
You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.
A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'.
My dream in life is to write the one gag that makes everyone in the world laugh.
I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
A party without cake is really just a meeting.
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