Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
Interpretation
George Carlin humorously suggests that first-time events are often poorly organized or unreliable.
This quote by George Carlin highlights a humorous skepticism about the quality of inaugural events. By stating he never attends the first annual anything, Carlin underscores the notion that the first iteration of an event often lacks the preparation and experience that subsequent iterations benefit from, implying a preference for proven reliability over novelty.
In practice
During a speech about event planning, one might quote Carlin to emphasize the importance of experience.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
I quickly laugh at everything for fear of having to cry.
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."
The audience today has heard every joke. They know every plot. They know where you're going before you even start. That's a tough audience to surprise, and a tough audience to write for. It's much more competitive now, because the audience is so much more - I want to say sophisticated.
Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day.
If I were asked to think up a new name for temptation, I should recommend the word 'doorknob', because what are these protuberances put on doors for if not to tempt us.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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