Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
Interpretation
The quote humorously critiques the excessive precision in age descriptions for young children.
George Carlin uses humor to highlight the absurdity of overly specific age measurements for toddlers, suggesting that simple, relatable terms are more appropriate. His point reflects a broader commentary on societal tendencies to complicate simple matters, reminding us that sometimes, less information is more effective and easier to communicate.
In practice
This quote can be used in parenting groups to lighten the discussion about child development.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
The laughter of man is more terrible than his tears, and takes more forms hollow, heartless, mirthless, maniacal.
I am sorry to tell you that I am getting very extravagant and spending all my money: and what is worse for you, I have been spending yours too.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
A sense of humor is the main measure of sanity.
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.
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