Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.
Interpretation
The quote suggests that deep friendship can be the foundation of romantic relationships.
Andr Aciman reflects on the nature of relationships, proposing that strong romantic connections often stem from a solid friendship. This interplay between friendship and love highlights the idea that true intimacy may develop from genuine understanding and companionship first, before evolving into a romantic relationship, suggesting that such a progression can strengthen the bond between partners.
In practice
I shared this quote during my wedding vows to emphasize our deep friendship.
As we walked, I began to wonder what the opposite of molting was and why, unlike the body, which sheds everything, the soul cannot let go but compiles and accumulates, growing annual rings around the things it wants and dreams and remembers
And on that evening when we grow older still we'll speak about these two young men as though they were two strangers we met on the train and whom we admire and want to help along. And we'll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.
You cannot touch the clouds, you know; but you feel the rain and know how glad the flowers and the thirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. You cannot touch love either; but you feel the sweetness that it pours into everything. Without love you would not be happy or want to play.
I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion - I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more - I could be martyred for my religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that.
In true love it is the soul that envelops the body.
Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words.
The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry.
[T]o love a specific person, and to identify with his or her struggles and joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self.
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