Ask yourself whether you are happy', observed the philosopher John Stuart Mill, 'and you cease to be so.' At best, it would appear, happiness can only be glimpsed out of the corner of an eye, not stared at directly.
Oliver BurkemanRead
Reassurance can actually exacerbate anxiety: when you reassure your friend that the worst-case scenario he fears probably won't occur, you inadvertently reinforce his belief that it would be catastrophic if it did. You are tightening the coil of his anxiety, not loosening it. All to often, the Stoics point out, things will not turn out for the best.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Reassuring someone about their fears can sometimes increase their anxiety rather than alleviate it.
This quote by Oliver Burkeman emphasizes the paradox of reassurance; while intended to comfort, it may inadvertently strengthen a person's anxiety. It highlights the Stoic perspective that not all outcomes are favorable, suggesting that facing the reality of potential negativity can be more beneficial than offering empty optimism. The focus should be on addressing the underlying anxiety rather than simply dismissing fears.
Themes
AnxietyReassuranceStoicismFearMental Health
In practice
Example use cases
In a group therapy session, a facilitator might use this quote to discuss the dynamics of reassurance among participants.
More from Oliver Burkeman
All quotes βUncertainty is where things happen. It is where the opportunities - for success, for happiness, for really living - are waiting.
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True security lies in the unrestrained embrace of insecurity - in the recognition that we never really stand on solid ground, and never can.
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The effort to feel happy is often precisely the thing that makes us miserable. And that it is out constant efforts to eliminate the negative - insecurity, uncertainty, failure, or sadness - that is what causes us to feel so insecure, anxious, uncertain, or unhappy.
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