Ask yourself whether you are happy', observed the philosopher John Stuart Mill, 'and you cease to be so.' At best, it would appear, happiness can only be glimpsed out of the corner of an eye, not stared at directly.
Oliver BurkemanRead
Reassurance can actually exacerbate anxiety: when you reassure your friend that the worst-case scenario he fears probably won't occur, you inadvertently reinforce his belief that it would be catastrophic if it did. You are tightening the coil of his anxiety, not loosening it. All to often, the Stoics point out, things will not turn out for the best.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Reassuring someone about their fears can sometimes increase their anxiety rather than alleviate it.
This quote by Oliver Burkeman emphasizes the paradox of reassurance; while intended to comfort, it may inadvertently strengthen a person's anxiety. It highlights the Stoic perspective that not all outcomes are favorable, suggesting that facing the reality of potential negativity can be more beneficial than offering empty optimism. The focus should be on addressing the underlying anxiety rather than simply dismissing fears.
Themes
AnxietyReassuranceStoicismFearMental Health
In practice
Example use cases
In a group therapy session, a facilitator might use this quote to discuss the dynamics of reassurance among participants.
More from Oliver Burkeman
All quotes →Uncertainty is where things happen. It is where the opportunities - for success, for happiness, for really living - are waiting.
Oliver BurkemanRead
True security lies in the unrestrained embrace of insecurity - in the recognition that we never really stand on solid ground, and never can.
Oliver BurkemanRead
The effort to feel happy is often precisely the thing that makes us miserable. And that it is out constant efforts to eliminate the negative - insecurity, uncertainty, failure, or sadness - that is what causes us to feel so insecure, anxious, uncertain, or unhappy.
Oliver BurkemanRead
Similar quotes
In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty...in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.
Deepak ChopraRead
I think humility - which I think is a very good value to adopt - is basically an extension of understanding your own ignorance.
Mark MansonRead
"Don't bother too much about your feelings. When they are humble, loving, brave, give thanks for them; when they are conceited, selfish, cowardly, ask to have them altered. In neither case are they you, but only a thing that happens to you. What matters is your intentions and your behavior
C. S. LewisRead
Everything hangs on one's thinking.
Seneca The YoungerRead
You must know for which harbor you are headed, if you are to catch the right wind to take you there.
Seneca The YoungerRead
A lack of seriousness has led to all sorts of wonderful insights.
Kurt VonnegutRead