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In short, no association or alliance can be happy or stable without me. People can't long tolerate a ruler, nor can a master his servant, a maid her mistress, a teacher his pupil, a friend his friend nor a wife her husband, a landlord his tenant, a soldier his comrade nor a party-goer his companion, unless they sometimes have illusions about each other, make use of flattery, and have the sense to turn a blind eye and sweeten life for themselves with the honey of folly.
Desiderius Erasmus
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Interpretation

What this quote means

Healthy relationships often rely on a degree of deception and idealization to maintain happiness and stability.

This quote by Desiderius Erasmus conveys the idea that human relationships—whether between rulers and subjects, friends, or spouses—cannot survive the harsh truths of reality for long. People thrive on illusions and flattery, suggesting that a small amount of self-deception or overlooking flaws can contribute to the sweetness and satisfaction of life and relationships. The 'honey of folly' represents how minor deceptions can enhance our interpersonal bonds, allowing us to coexist more harmoniously.

Themes

RelationshipsIllusionFlatteryHappinessStability

In practice

Example use cases

In a relationship seminar to motivate couples to appreciate their partners' imperfections.

More from Desiderius Erasmus

The entire world is my temple, and a very fine one too, if I'm not mistaken, and I'll never lack priests to serve it as long as there are men.
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You'll see certain Pythagorean whose belief in communism of property goes to such lengths that they pick up anything lying about unguarded, and make off with it without a qualm of conscience as if it had come to them by law.
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[N]o party is any fun unless seasoned with folly.
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If you look at history you'll find that no state has been so plagued by its rulers as when power has fallen into the hands of some dabbler in philosophy or literary addict.
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Fortune favours the audacious.
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