The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

- David Cross

We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't …

- David Cross

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

- David Cross

I'm concerned about organized religion getting away with what it gets away with.

- David Cross

I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.

- David Cross

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't belie…

- David Cross

In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediat…

- David Cross

I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I kn…

- David Cross

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement.

- David Cross