I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.
All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground. - Kristen Schaal
All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.
- Kristen Schaal
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free. - Kristen Schaal
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up. - Kristen Schaal
Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe. - Kristen Schaal
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.
I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write… - Kristen Schaal
I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write…
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go. - Kristen Schaal
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? - Kristen Schaal
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?
No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me. - Kristen Schaal
No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. … - Kristen Schaal
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. …
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