Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
Interpretation
Expressing anger effectively is crucial for emotional health, as suppressing or mismanaging anger can lead to suffering.
In this quote, Harriet Lerner emphasizes the importance of expressing anger appropriately. She highlights that both those who express their anger ineffectively and those who do not express it at all experience deep emotional suffering. The ability to communicate feelings of anger constructively is essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being.
In practice
In a discussion about emotional intelligence, this quote could illustrate the importance of healthy anger management.
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
Telling a true story about personal experience is not just a matter of being oneself, or even or finding oneself. It is also a matter of choosing oneself.
If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.
An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.
Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change.
Inviting others to help us with our work in the Church helps them feel needed and helps them feel the Spirit. When these feelings come, many people often then realize that something has been missing from their lives.
One never can know the whys and the wherefores of one's passional changes.
Well, you never knew exactly how much space you occupied in people's lives. Yet from this fog his affection emerged--the best contacts are when one knows the obstacles and still wants to preserve a relation.
'This thing I feel, I can't name it straight out but it seems important, do you feel it too?' β this sort of direct question is not for the squeamish. For one thing, it's perilously close to 'Do you like me? Please like me,' which you know quite well that 99% of all the interhuman manipulation and bullshit gamesmanship that goes on goes on precisely because the idea of saying this sort of thing straight out is regarded as somehow obscene.
She liked to disappear, even when she was in the same room as other people. It was a talent, as it was a curse.
I've been lonely for so long. And I've been hurt so deeply. If only I could have met you again a long time ago, then I wouldn't have had to take all these detours to get here.' Tengo shook his head. 'I don't think so. This way is just fine. This is exactly the right time. For both of us. [...] We needed that much time.... to understand how lonely we really were.
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