What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there whil…

- Frankie Boyle

On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and …

- Frankie Boyle

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

- Frankie Boyle

Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

- Frankie Boyle

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

- Frankie Boyle

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

- Frankie Boyle

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

- Frankie Boyle

The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Sc…

- Frankie Boyle

For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.

- Frankie Boyle