I can never drive my car over a bridge without thinking of suicide. I can never look at a lake or an ocean without thinking of suicide.
I was young I was so young it hurt like a knife inside because there was no alternative except to hide as long as possible--- not in self-pity but with dismay at my limited chance: trying to connect.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote reflects on the painful experience of youth and the struggle to connect with others despite feeling limited and isolated.
In this poignant statement, Charles Bukowski illustrates the emotional turmoil faced during youth, where one feels limited in their opportunities to connect with others. The imagery of 'hurt like a knife' reveals the intense pain of isolation and the desire to hide from the world, not out of self-pity but from a genuine dismay at one's circumstances. This struggle, inherent in the human experience, emphasizes the longing for connection in a time when one feels most vulnerable.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
In a speech about the challenges of youth, one might quote Bukowski to illustrate feelings of isolation.
More from Charles Bukowski
All quotes →when I am feeling low all i have to do is watch my cats and my courage returns
The masses are always wrong...Wisdom is doing everything the crowd does not do. All you do is reverse the totality of their learning and you have the heaven they're looking for.
I'm going to open another vottle. not a vottle, but a bottle. you open it and I'll drink it. and you try to write as much as I did without falling off of your chair.
To experience real agony is something hard to write about, impossible to understand while it grips you; you're frightened out of your wits, can’t sit still, move, or even go decently insane.
I lapsed into my pathetic cut-off period. Often with humans, both good and bad, my senses simply shut off, they get tired, I give up. I am polite. I nod. I pretend to understand because I don’t want anybody to be hurt. That is the one weakness that has lead me into the most trouble. Trying to be kind to others I often get my soul shredded into a kind of spiritual pasta. No matter. My brain shuts off. I listen. I respond. And they are too dumb to know that I am not there.
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