Quotes on Funny Jokes

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!