Things get very distorted when you do a movie, weirdly so..

I am, therefore there is a God..

No one survives life..

It is virtually impossible to compete in today's global economy without a college degree..

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous..

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well..

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine..

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there..

I would have given my right arm to have been a pianist..

Live constructively and live optimistically..

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment..

Not the old, not the new, but the necessary..

Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn c….

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me..

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole..

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh..

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile..

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep..

When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news..

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15..

Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close..