A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours..

I am Jewish, but Beethoven is my religion..

The things we fear about poetry are the things that are good about poetry..

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free..

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you..

When we have not the strength or the courage to grasp a new truth, we persuade ourselves that it is not a truth at all..

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth..

The beginning is the chiefest part of any work..

lalalalalalallalalallalalalal have nothing to say.

Reegan scowled at Cath. "Are you Zack, or are you Cody?"..

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!".

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift..

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart..

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running ….

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink..

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hook….

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends..

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you..

Sometimes the person who is the most logical is the person whom we call insane..

I didn't choose poetry: poetry chose me..

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?.