Quotes on Funny

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.

I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

This beginning motion, this first time when a sail truly filled and the boat took life and knifed across the lake under perfect control, this was so beautiful it stopped my breath.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.