Quotes on Funny

I don't believe in comedy as a TV genre - I think there's drama that is funny. Because beyond the laughs, there has to be cost, and there has to be heart.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.

Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people.

To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

A book is a fragile creature, it suffers the wear of time, it fears rodents, the elements and clumsy hands. so the librarian protects the books not only against mankind but also against nature and devotes his life to this war with the forces of oblivion.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

A penny saved is a penny earned.