Quotes on Funny

There's a battle between what the cook thinks is high art and what the customer just wants to eat.

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

...if you are overdressed, it is a comment on them. If you are under dressed, it is a comment on you.

I don't think I've ever written a poem whose intention was just to be funny. I've written poems that start out funny and often shift into something more serious.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.