Quotes on Funny

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

There is a Japanese proverb that literally goes 'Raise the sail with your stronger hand,' meaning you must go after the opportunities that arise in life that you are best equipped to do.

Strange questions are the more interesting ones. Children by and large don't try to trip you up... they want to find out how you do this funny thing that you do... if they've loved a story they love to know how it started.

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny.

Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right.

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!

The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you're finished.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Your Constitution is all sail and no anchor.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.

Love is just a word, but you bring it definition.