Quotes on Funny

There is no great invention, from fire to flying, which has not been hailed as an insult to some god.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

It may sound funny, but I love the South. I don't choose to live anywhere else. There's land here, where a man can raise cattle, and I'm going to do it some day.

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

People say conversation is a lost art; how often I have wished it were.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.

Everyone likes flattery; and when you come to Royalty you should lay it on with a trowel.

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.

Ecology is often confused with environmentalism, while in fact, environmentalism often leaves out the fact that people, too, can be a legitimate part of an ecosystem.

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

If we must lose wife or husband when we live to our highest right, we lose an unhappy marriage as well, and we gain ourselves. But if a marriage is born between two already self-discovered, what a lovely adventure begins, hurricanes and all.

I ain't no movie star, man. I'm a booty star.

The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.

If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that idea, as if to acknowledge it would trivialize the story or trivialize human nature, when in fact human nature is reduced and falsified if the comic aspects are not included.