Quotes on Funny

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Don't be concerned about others not appreciating you. Be concerned about your not appreciating others.

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be stronger, but hopefully you're wiser. And if you keep most of your marbles intact, you can add a note of wisdom to the coming generation.

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess.

She had waited all her life for something, and it had killed her when it found her.

I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.