The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help..

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'..

I make more movies than I see..

I'm addicted to directing!.

Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border..

Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience..

Even though at 17 it was limited, I had a life before Batman..

But the word of the Gospel is not as the word of an earthly prince..

You just gotta do what you gotta do whatcha can..

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'.

In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope..

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other..

He who laughs last didn't get the joke..

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether..

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentists drill..

No one can be perfectly happy till all are happy..

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man..

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease..

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns..

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant..

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest..