Quotes on Funny

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

All the time he's boxing, he's thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay, or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal.

Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

The only church that illuminates is a burning church.

Like a morning dream, life becomes more and more bright the longer we live, and the reason of everything appears more clear. What has puzzled us before seems less mysterious, and the crooked paths look straighter as we approach the end.

My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.