Quotes on Funny

I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation.

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and that no lie is so false or inconclusive as that which is based on statistics.

I walk into the clubhouse today and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the 7th inning he'd already drunk it.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.

I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

It's fear of the unknown. The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that-it's all illusion. Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and it's plain sailing. Everything is unknown-then you're ahead of the game. That's what it is. Right?

Men go back to the mountains, as they go back to sailing ships at sea, because in the mountains and on the sea they must face up.

Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

Ceremonies are the first thing to be attended to in the practice of government.