Quotes on Funny

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.

Where are the dogs going? you people who pay so little attention ask. They are going about their business. And they are very punctilious, without wallets, notes, and without briefcases.

A force as of madness in the hands of reason has done all that was ever done in the world.

The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

What is it like to be a bat? What is it like for a bat to be a bat?

Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.