Quotes on Funny

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

I'm in the public eye, so I don't care who knows what I get done. If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked, or plucked.

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Whoever tells the best story wins.

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

There is no need to worry about mere size. We do not necessarily respect a fat man more than a thin man. Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than a hippopotamus, but we do not on that account value him less.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.