Quotes on Funny

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work, although, there has been in these days, some interest in this kind of thing.

Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.

Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.

Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn't have to talk to you.

Wealth and rank are what men desire, but unless they be obtained in the right way they may not be possessed. Poverty and obscurity are what men detest; but unless prosperity be brought about in the right way, they are not to be abandoned.

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

O Music! Miraculous art! A blast of thy trumpet and millions rush forward to die; a peal of thy organ and uncounted nations sink down to pray.

PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.