Quotes on Funny

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obey them.

I was told I had a two per cent chance of getting pregnant, so I say she's a two per cent baby.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.

Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture, the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.

The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.

O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.