Quotes on Funny

I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.

We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.

I think that everything should be made available to everybody, and I mean LSD, cocaine, codeine, grass, opium, the works. Nothing on earth available to any man should be confiscated and made unlawful by other men in more seemingly powerful and advantageous positions.

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.

The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.

It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

When a woman gives birth her waters break and she pours out the child and the child runs free.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.