Quotes on Funny

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it.

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.

We're [parents]) always bluffing, pretending we know best, when most of the time we're just praying we won't screw up too badly.

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

Life can be wonderful if you're not afraid of it. All it takes is courage, imagination ... and a little dough

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.

Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business.

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

High school is neither a democracy nor a dictatorship - nor, contrary to popular belief, an anarchic state. High school is a divine-right monarchy. And when the queen goes on vacation, things change.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.