Quotes on Funny

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides.

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.