Quotes on Funny

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?

Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

People with virtue must speak out; People who speak are not all virtuous.

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.