Quotes on Funny

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.

A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.

For a man to attain to an eminent degree in learning costs him time, watching, hunger, nakedness, dizziness in the head, weakness in the stomach, and other inconveniences.

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.

A woman who would steal your love when your love was really all you had to give was not much of a woman.

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.

The old cathedrals are good, but the great blue dome that hangs over everything is better.

I don't pretend to understand the Universe - it's a great deal bigger than I am.

The body, she says, is subject to the force of gravity. But the soul is ruled by levity, pure.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.