Quotes on Funny

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

Many foxes grow gray but few grow good.

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.